Why Boxers Are the Worst Dogs Ever (But Not Really)
Why Boxers Are The Worst Dogs
Let’s face it, Boxers are just the worst. Sure, they may be adorable with their squished faces, bouncy walks, and wide-eyed innocence, but don’t let those good looks fool you. Beneath the surface lies a creature determined to upend your life. If you’re thinking about getting a Boxer, let this be your warning: here are some (not-so) serious reasons why you should reconsider!
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1. They Think They’re Lap Dogs – But They’re NOT
Boxers are like that friend who doesn’t understand personal space. Weighing up to 80 pounds, they have zero concept of size. Sitting down? That’s an invitation. They will climb onto your lap, drooling all over your clean clothes as if they were a teacup Chihuahua. Expect to lose feeling in your legs at least once a day.
2. Boundless Energy – aka Destruction on Paws
Got a few valuables around the house? Not anymore! These dogs are perpetual motion machines. You think you’ve “puppy-proofed” the house? Not well enough. Boxers will knock over everything with their tails, their paws, their heads… really, anything that’s attached to their bodies. And let’s not forget their zoomies—prepare to witness 60 pounds of pure muscle tearing through your house at lightning speed.
3. Master Droolers
Boxers have jowls like old-timey politicians, and they know how to use them. They don’t just drool; they create puddles that rival Niagara Falls. Eating and drinking become Olympic events in splatter zone management. If you were hoping for a neat and tidy dog, prepare to instead carry a towel at all times.
4. Unstoppable Snorers
Picture this: it’s finally bedtime, you’re exhausted, and you drift off… until a sound like a freight train jolts you awake. That’s right, Boxers are notorious snorers. These pooches could put a lumberjack to shame. And no, they won’t adjust for your sleep schedule. In fact, the quieter the house is, the louder the Boxer snores, just to fill the silence.
5. Weird Sitting Positions
Why sit like a normal dog when you can sit like a complete weirdo? Boxers specialize in sitting in what can only be described as the “frog-leg sprawl.” They’ll park themselves in the middle of the room, legs splayed in every direction, looking like they just gave up halfway through a yoga class. It’s hilarious, but at the same time, so un-dignified.
6. Bouncy Attacks of Love
When a Boxer gets excited, they have two modes: “wiggle-butt” and “launch mode.” Unfortunately, “launch mode” means jumping up at you with the force of a cannon. While other dogs offer polite tail wags, a Boxer greets you by trying to knock you flat. And since they often act like kangaroos, they’ll also randomly launch themselves at unsuspecting visitors. So much for a quiet entry into the house!
7. Endless Goofiness
It’s impossible to maintain a serious atmosphere around a Boxer. These dogs have zero sense of decorum. Trying to host a business meeting from home? Good luck when your Boxer decides to roll on their back, paws flailing, tongue hanging out like they’re auditioning for clown school. They may be the kings of clowning around, but don’t expect them to be much use as professional wingmen.
8. Loyal to a Fault
Want to go to the bathroom alone? Forget it. Boxers are so loyal, they’ll follow you from room to room, watching your every move. Personal space? They’ve never heard of it. Boxers will follow you like they’re getting paid for it, and they will sit at your feet, staring at you with eyes that say, “I’m here to support you…even through the weirdest parts of your day.”
9. Highly Expressive Faces
You can’t get away with anything around a Boxer because they have the most expressive faces. They judge you, they look at you with disappointment, and they’ll throw you shade if you’re late with their dinner. You might think you’re the boss, but their face says otherwise.
In conclusion, Boxers are the worst kind of best friends you could ever ask for. They’re big, slobbery, hyperactive, snoring disasters—and we wouldn’t have them any other way. Just be prepared to kiss your clean clothes goodbye, guard your valuables, and get used to having a living, breathing shadow. If this sounds like too much, well, maybe Boxers just aren’t for you. For the rest of us? Bring on the chaos, we’re ready!
